The Swelle Life

Hungry for Some McCouture?

The Guardian reports that McDonald's has just announced that their good ol' uniform has, at last, been given a major upgrade. British couturier Bruce Oldfield (second from right in photo) was asked by the fast-food chain giant to create a more upmarket image for their staff. (But if the person serving us looks good, how will we know we're doing something naughty? Oh, right, the food will remind us. If not then, it certainly will later.)

The front line female staff will trade their thick poly top and pants for a patterned blouse and skirt, accessorised with a logo scarf (great for hiding hickeys) and for the boys and men, a black and mocha (their word, sounds tastier than 'beige') shirt and black pants. The managers will wear black suits and have a choice of three ties. Can we assume then, they are all men?

Bruce Oldfield counts Sienna Miller and Jemima Khan as his clients, according to the McDonald's press release. I bet Sienna's thrilled with the new association. Maybe Oldfield will comp her a free scarf, she does have a thing for that mixy-mashy styling.

I was trying to think of what the old uniform looked like, I haven't set foot in McDonald's in ages  (okay, I use the drive-thru). Then I found this comparison photo:

Ya, it was time. Shud-der. Don't know about that scarf, the huge golden arches logo looks a bit silly. Upon taking in the whole ensemble in person I might confuse the restaurant for an airplane cabin and ask her to tell the person behind me to stop kicking my seat.

Michael Kors is Addicted to Tabloids

Hard to believe but American fashion designer and Project Runway judge Michael Kors eagerly anticipates Wednesday mornings so he can get his fill of the latest gossip. More incredible is that he reads the rags for the fashion (Life & Style and In Touch 'great for fashion'?!). Whenever I'm in Canada for a visit I pick up In Touch or Us and I always feel so dirty, praying no one is around to see me buying the overpriced glossies of sin. Is Mr. Kors helping to legitmize our nasty habit?

Find Me the Remote

Okay, admittedly I do watch BBC Three's 'Find Me the Face' every Tuesday but there are definitely some cringe-worthy moments. The show is described as a documentary although I would say it's a straight-out reality show without any scripted crap. I guess a 'real' reality show is an oxymoron these days so fine, it's a documentary but don't let Michael Moore hear that.

Now, about the cringe. The camera follows Becky Southwick and Jodie Furlong, two model scouts competing to find 'the face' in the streets of England. Each episode features a new agency with a unique brief to fulfill. Becky is the whinging sourpuss who got sacked in the MTV show The Agency and I guess that's how she ended up here (after some anger management classes it would appear). I haven't seen Jodie before and he seems like a good enough guy  (nevermind the clear goggle glasses he always wears that make him look as if he's on his way to play squash). However, if he came at me with his usual opening line I wouldn't be within earshot to hear the end of it. "Excuse me, I'm wondering if you can help me', or 'Oh hi, he he, this is embarrassing. I'm looking for models." It's the 'can you help me' that would have me tearing down the road, that's usually not a sign of good things to come. I'd be expecting his next line to be 'I seem to have something caught in my zipper.'

The other thing that makes me uncomforable is scouting in general, or 'street casting' as is the hip term these days. It would surely make your day to have someone legit approach you and declare you an exceptional specimen, meet your family and tell you about the loads of money you can make modelling. I wonder how long it takes these hopefuls to fall asleep that night. This is all designed to get the girl or guy to show up on the casting day for photos so the scouts have a bigger pool to choose from to take through for the agency's appraisal and increase their chances of winning.

So don't be too hasty quitting your day job. Things fall flat pretty quickly when they find you take a crappy picture thanks to your lip doing an involuntary snarly-thing when you're trying to look all 'modelly'. And they'll point that out on national TV. So not only are your dreams stomped to bits, the ones that didn't even exist before you were ambushed outside Waterstone's with gushing and compliments, but now you can't stop thinking about your hideously disfigured mouth and all the other yucky things about you.

A friend of mine had modelled and was wanting to get back into it so he went to a well known agency in Toronto and was told 'we already have one of you'. Sounds like a dream, doesn't it?

Photo from Sam Wollaston, The Guardian