Marc Jacobs Digs Up the 80s

Marc Jacobs went for flash and polish 80s, complete with Aqua Net hairstsyles for his main line then followed it up with its nemesis 'weekend hiking trip with the fam' 80s for the little sister collection. The latter was a real mash-up, more so than usual but this time it didn't have me imagining new ways of putting my own pieces together, it just made me glad I'm not in grade seven any more. I didn't like burgundy wide wale baggy corduroy shorts then, and I certainly don't now. Especially with clashing and not-in-a-good-way tights with contrasting rectangles on the knee:

Those knees remind of the time when one of my twin little brothers who was five opened my bedroom door and started talking to me. I was sitting on the floor with my back to the door, and when I turned around to look at him I saw that he was in his underpants and there was a big maxi pad stuck vertically on his tiny little shin. I was stunned for a second and he was looking at me so innocently, and I asked "What is that on your leg?" and he said "It's Mom's big band-aid. I found it in the cupboard." Struggling to compose myself, I asked what was under it, and he peeled it down to reveal a tiny scab underneath. I lost it. I went upstairs to the bathroom and found the paper backing on the floor and a trail of smaller ones leading into their room. My other little brother was in there admiring his artwork - his name 'Dan' crudely spelled out in panty liners on their wall.

Right, so not really into that look for several reasons but these dresses I like:

Hmm...wait, what's happening...that legging thing is growing on me a bit with that first dress. But never, ever the baggy, wide wale cordurory shorts. Ali Stephens looks like crap in them. Nothing further needs to be said. There were more dowdy looks for what is supposed to be a line targeted at Fresh Young Things but instead of taking (more, sorry) digs at a guy who's given us so much, let's look at the good stuff from the main collection which was brilliant soft colours, bold shapes and printed tights:

The third model is an unrecognisable Du Juan done up like someone from Prince's entourage on the Purple Rain tour:

Whoa, shoulders! Well, they do make the hips look narrow:

I'm sorry but I can't let this one go quietly - the planet does not need these. Ever. Look, look at the ankles, you know what those are. I'd warm up to the stirrups at the gyno before I would for the ones on ladies' pants.